we were ALL forced to sit through rosemary's baby (the WHOLE THING!) so we all know what a piece of garbage it is. this is why i was so excited today when i found out that michael bay, savior of cinema, was going to remake it into something watchable. i only assume it's gonna kick a lot of ass because the creative genius behind transformers and bad boys 2 has never made anything that wasn't worthwhile, so why should his take on even a horrible and BORING movie like rosemary's baby be any different?
shocktillyoudrop.com has reported that bay's production company, platinum dunes, is in talks with paramount for the remake rights of the stinker (http://www.shocktillyoudrop.com/news/topnews.php?id=5008). platinum dunes also did remakes of the snoozefests texas chainsaw massacre, the amityville horror, and the hitcher, so we know they do good things. bay is also (thank god!) doing a remake of the birds. my mom tried to get me to watch that once and there's like, no music or gore or anything! the first hour of the movie was, like, some crappy love story, too. the birds weren't even made by computers! they, like, didn't have computers back then, or something, i don't know. but, yeah, they were so fake looking.
you have to hand it to michael bay. it takes a lot of talent to take movies as mind bogglingly dull as the texas chainsaw massacre and make it as fucking cool and bloody and fast and crazy as that new one. it'll be interesting to see how he makes rosemary's baby good, b/c like, nothing happens in that movie. NOTHING! like, we don't get to see any devil worshippers stabbing people in the eyes and eating their guts or some shit. it's just that dumb broad walking around reading books and walking around and shit. at the end of the movie, like, you don't even get to see the devil baby! we wait the whole damn movie to see some crazy devil baby and all we get is some queer jap dude with a camera! that's fuckin' gay, dude. i mean, i guess the movie had some tits, but still, that was like, one minute out of like a three hour movie.
i hope they cast jessica biel as rosemary. she's hot and has way better tits than that maya farrow chick.
here's my dvd review of transformers.
4 comments:
I find this post unnecessarily offensive and irrelevant.It is fine to discuss a potential remake of this film, but I fail to see the point of the extreme hostility, negativity and misogyny contained here. Is this meant to be ironic? Perhaps you could enlighten me...
peg,
i do apologize. i was writing in a completely satirical manner. the main intent of the post was to make the readers of the post laugh. rosemary's baby is one of my favorite films of all time, as is hitchcock's the birds. michael bay is a man with undeniable talent, but he chooses to use that talent to consistently dumb down cinema. judging by his other films, these remakes will no doubt be turned into broad action films dripping with "extreme hostility, negativity, and misogyny." i find the mere notion of remaking these films to be "unnecessarily offensive and irrelevant," and so i wrote a post to reflect that.
i completely understand why you would have been taken aback by the post. perhaps it was ill-advised to write such a hateful, and yes, when i look back on it, elitist post on an academic forum (though one could argue that 70% of academia is entrenched in elitism anyway). i once again apologize. i NEVER would have wanted to make anybody uncomfortable or hurt. all i wanted to do was promote discussion of the film in a jokey and playful manner.
I did detect a note of irony (I mean, Michael Bay?) but it wasn't so over-the-top or extreme that it was clear you intended this as satire. Maybe I am just used to greater extremes of satire, as with The Onion.
ooooh my mistake, i just realized this post existed, and therefore my later post is a repeat. but it seems others have missed it as well.
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